Experience Sexual Integrity, Honesty and Responsibility
It's a sad fact that many people engage in secret, risky or unethical sexual behavior that eventually damages their relationships, their reputations or their principles. Perhaps this has happened to you, or to someone you know (but didn't know as well as you thought). I specialize in helping people put their lives back together when sexually troubling behavior has been discovered or disclosed. Sexual desire is a wonderful component of a full and rich life, but some people develop an unhealthy form of lust that causes them to:
- break sincere promises,
- betray sacred commitments,
- ignore important obligations, and
- violate personal values and standards.
The Internet is a major way that many moral, loving and trustworthy people begin engaging in sexual actions that are neither safe nor sensible. They may briefly check out various forms of online pornography, get involved in some type of sexual intrique, or use the internet in other risky or unhealthy ways. Most people, however, regain their senses pretty quickly and realize that these are fundamentally unfulfilling and risky behaviors.
Unfortunately, some people engage in increasingly deceptive and emotionally unhealthy sexual behaviors, even in the face of great risks to their health, job, relationships, integrity and self-esteem. It's like they are living two parallel lives, one that is open and moral and the other that is secret, unsafe and steeped in shame.
A person in this situation almost always develops certain defense mechanisms that take on a life of their own. Emotional isolation and self-deception contribute to highly distorted thinking, including the tendency to:
- rationalize inappropriate behavior through various excuses,
- minimize the risk of negative outcomes, and
- compartmentalize patterns of behavior that don’t fit together.
The overall effect of this distorted thinking is the creation of a never-ending downward spiral that eventually results in tremendous pain and turmoil when this secret life is revealed.
There is no quick and simple way to regain consistent sexual self-control once it has been eroded. Truly beneficial change requires honesty, the humble recognition of a need for help, and a willingness to engage in the challenging but ultimately rewarding work of personal growth. If these qualities are initially present to even the slightest degree they can be channeled into a mighty force for change......but only for people who accept the need for help!
This kind of issue rarely just "goes away" on its own, no matter how sincerely a person makes promises and shows remorse. True heaing requires ongoing hard work (not just words, no matter how heartfelt) in order to:
- regain broken trust,
- rebuild weakened integrity,
- heal traumatized relationships and
- repair all the damage to the mind, body and spirit that sexual secret-keeping causes.
It can sometimes be difficult to determine whether a person who repeatedly makes unhealthy or unethical sexual choices is a "sex addict". Assessment tools exist to help identify the signs of sexual addiction, but many are cumbersome, biased and include questions that cloud the issue.
This is why I devised the Concise Assessment Of Sex Addiction (CASA) , which consists of five simple questions:
- Do You Keep Secrets About Your Sexual Activities From The People Who Are Most Important To You, Resulting In A Sexual Double Life?
- Do You Engage in Sexual BehaviorYou Later Regret?
- Do You Find Yourself Engaging In More Intense or Frequent Sexual Behavior Despite The Desire Not to Do So?
- Does Your Sexual Behavior Put You At Risk For Dire Consequences?
- Have You Ever Broken A Sincerely Made Promise Never To Repeat A Particular Sexual Behavior?
A sexually reckless person who answers "no" to most or all of these question proobably is not primarily driven by addictive, obsessive or compulsive influences. However, anyone who repeatedly makes extremely poor and damaging sexual decisions, regardless of the reason, has a major problem that must be addressed in order to salvage his or her relationship, reputation and integrity.
A person who answers "yes" to most or all of these questions is most likely sexually addicted. The good news is that once this problem is out in the open people can begin to:
- unify their fragmented lives,
- heal the damage they have caused to themselves and others,
- restore their integrity and
- regain trustworthiness.
I’ve helped many individuals and couples to successfully heal from repeated sexually distressing behavior, no matter what label it is given. I am direct while remaining compassionate, comprehensive while remaining focused, and highly professional while maintaining a gentle and genuine personal touch. As a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist (CSAT) my extensive training and experience has helped guide countless people out of heartbreak, shame and sorrow and into a life of honesty and integrity, healthy and loving intimacy, and healthy sexual fulfillment.
To learn more about my approach to sexually addictive behavior and its treatment you may want to start with my article entitled "Healing From Sex Addiction, read my recent article about alternatives to the "sex addiction" label, or look over any of the many articles I've written on the subject of Sexual Addiction Recovery and Resources. (Don't worry about getting lost in the maze of words, as all of the articles link to each other.)
Admitting that it's time to seek help is a hallmark of great courage and the gateway to a better life. You are not alone, even though you may feel like it. A better future can be yours once you take the next step.
-Bill
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My counseling office is easily accessible from all areas of metro Atlanta including Alpharetta, Buckhead, Clarkston, Conyers, Decatur, Chamblee, East Point, Fayetteville, Forest Park, Johns Creek, Lawrenceville, Lilburn, Marietta, Milton, Peachtree City, Riverdale, Roswell, Sandy Springs, Smyrna, Snellville, Stone Mountain, Sugar Hill, Suwanee, Tucker and surrounding areas.
