Experience The Benefits Of Sexual Integrity, Honesty and Responsibility
Note: For anyone looking to find the Internet's most up-to-date and comprehensive source for curated information about every conceivable aspect of addictive or compulsive sexual behavior, go to my Scoop.it page.
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It's a sad fact that many people engage in secret, risky or unethical sexual behavior that eventually damages their relationships, their reputations or their principles. Perhaps this has happened to you, or to someone you know (but perhaps didn't know as well as you thought). I help people put their lives back together after the discovery or disclosure of chronic sexual infidelity, so I know how difficult this period of time can be.
Sexual desire is a wonderful component of a full and rich life, but some people develop an unhealthy form of lust that causes them to:
- break sincere promises,
- betray sacred commitments,
- ignore important obligations, and
- violate personal values and standards.
The Internet is a major way that many moral, loving and trustworthy people begin engaging in sexual actions that are neither safe nor sensible. While some men and women may briefly dabble with online browsing, flirting or cruising around, most come to their senses pretty quickly and move past this behavior, finding it to be a fundamentally unfulfilling or time-wasting experience.
Unfortunately, some people engage in increasingly deceptive and emotionally unhealthy sexual behaviors, even in the face of great risks to their health, job, relationships, integrity and self-esteem. It's like they are living two parallel lives, one that is open and moral and the other that is secret, unsafe and often steeped in shame.
A person in this situation almost always develops addictive defense mechanisms that take on a life of their own. Secretive sexual behavior has the capability to use any situation or feeling to justify itself. Emotional isolation and self-deception contribute to highly distorted thinking, including the tendency to:
- rationalize inappropriate behavior through various excuses,
- minimize the risk of negative outcomes, and
- compartmentalize patterns of behavior that don’t fit together.
The overall effect of this distorted thinking is the creation of a never-ending downward spiral that will eventually result in tremendous pain and turmoil when this secret life is revealed.
There is no quick and simple way to regain consistent sexual self-control once it has been eroded. Truly beneficial change requires honesty, the humble recognition of a need for help, and a willingness to engage in the challenging but ultimately rewarding work of personal growth. If these qualities are initially present to even the slightest degree they can be channeled into a mighty force for change......but only for people who reach out for help!
This kind of issue rarely just "goes away" on its own, no matter how sincerely a person makes promises and shows remorse. It requires ongoing hard work (not just words, no matter how heartfelt) in order to:
- regain broken trust,
- rebuild weakened integrity,
- heal traumatized relationships and
- repair all the damage to the mind, body and spirit that sexual secret-keeping causes.
So how is it possible to determine whether a person who repeatedly makes unhealthy or unethical sexual choices is a "sex addict"? Assessment tools exist to help identify the signs of sexual addiction, but many are cumbersome, biased and include questions that cloud the issue.
This is why I devised the Concise Assessment Of Sex Addiction (CASA) , which consists of five simple questions:
- Do You Keep Secrets About Your Sexual Activities From The People Who Are Most Important To You, Resulting In A Sexual Double Life?
- Do You Engage in Sexual BehaviorYou Later Regret?
- Do You Find Yourself Engaging In More Intense or Frequent Sexual Behavior Despite The Desire Not to Do So?
- Does Your Sexual Behavior Put You At Risk For Dire Consequences?
- Have You Ever Broken A Sincerely Made Promise Never To Repeat A Particular Sexual Behavior?
A sexually reckless person who answers "no" to most or all of these questions might not be primarily driven by addictive, obsessive or compulsive influences. However, a person who repeatedly makes extremely poor and damaging sexual decisions, regardless of the reason, has a major problem that must be addressed in order to salvage his or her relationship, reputation and sense of integrity.
A person who answers "yes" to most or all of these questions is clearly struggling with sex addiction. The good news is that once this problem is out in the open people can begin to:
- unify their fragmented lives,
- heal the damage they have caused to themselves and others,
- restore their sense of integrity and
- regain trustworthiness in their relationships.
I’ve helped many individuals and couples to successfully heal from the consequences of repeated sexual unfaithfulness. Testimonials written about me from satisfied clients show that I am direct while remaining compassionate, comprehensive while remaining focused, and highly professional while maintaining a gentle and genuine personal touch. As a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist (CSAT) I have extensively trained and consulted with the leaders in this field.
I can help you get your life back on track and moving forward to a better future. I have years of experience helping guide countless people from all walks of life out of heartbreak, shame and sorrow into a renewed life filled with honesty and integrity, healthy and loving relationships and responsible sexual fulfillment.
To learn more about my approach to sexually addictive behavior and its treatment you may want to start with my article entitled "Healing From Sex Addiction". It may also be helpful to read my recent article about alternatives to the sex addiction model, or any of the feature articles under the heading Sexual Addiction Recovery and Resources. (Don't worry about getting lost in the maze of articles: all of the material links to each other.)
I hope you will spend a lot of time browsing my website. I've filled it with lots of information to give people the hope they need to grow and heal from the pain of the past into a brighter, happier future.
You or someone close to you may be right on the verge of reaching out for help. Admitting that the time has come for professional assistance is a hallmark of great courage and the gateway to a much healthier and happier life.
I invite you to contact me to arrange an initial appointment for us to talk privately. You are not alone, and hope is available to you once you take the next step.
-Bill
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My counseling office is easily accessible from all areas of metro Atlanta including Alpharetta, Buckhead, Clarkston, Conyers, Decatur, Chamblee, East Point, Fayetteville, Forest Park, Johns Creek, Lawrenceville, Lilburn, Marietta, Milton, Peachtree City, Riverdale, Roswell, Sandy Springs, Smyrna, Snellville, Stone Mountain, Sugar Hill, Suwanee, Tucker and surrounding areas.
