Healing From Sex Addiction

Sex addiction is a progressive and potentially devastating pattern of behavior that affects people from all walks of life. It offers an intense high as powerful as any drug.  The many costs of this addiction include isolation, shame, betrayal, disease and legal consequences as well as the loss of a person's integrity, trust, income, and close relationships.

Sex addiction isn’t defined by the frequency of sexual behavior or the types of behavior a person engages in. Its defining characteristic is loss of control, resulting in the lack of a meaningful and lasting ability to prevent compulsive sexual impulses and urges.

Sexual addiction is highly reinforcing, since illicit sexual behavior unleashes a tidal wave of chemicals into the nervous system that are capable of serving a wide variety of mood-altering functions. Sexually addictive behavior is can soothe, excite, comfort, escape and medicate almost any situation or feeling.  In addition, the secrecy and shame associated with this type of sexual behavior creates a strongly self-contained "feedback loop" that results in a perpetual cycle of using the same behavior to medicate the pain and shame that it causes.

This resulting tension between morals and desire often results in  sort of dissociation.  A person must often numb one part of his or her personality to engage in the behavior that doesn’t fit his or her desired self-image or social relationships. The resulting lack of integration is the reason why an otherwise loving and moral person can engage in acts of utter deception and shocking selfishness.

Healing and recovery from sexual addiction is entirely possible.  Components of healing include full acknowledgment of the problem rather than minimizing or denying it; developing coping mechanisms for recognizing and responding to sexual triggers; gradually rebuilding trust with others who have been traumatized by betrayal; integrating sexuality with true intimacy; the reduction of emotionally paralyzing shame; and identifying and exploring any life history that may have set the stage for addictive behaviors in the first place.

The difficult process of facing the full impact of sexual addiction can transform a person's life in the best ways possible. For many people who are struggling with sexual addiction, the process of “hitting the bottom” turns out to be a life-changing time of life for the betterment of everyone.

Recovery from sexual addiction is difficult work that is rarely successful alone. There’s an old saying that “your best thinking ruined your life”, so it’s risky to think you can somehow propel your way out of the hole you’ve dug by yourself. The help of others is necessary.  Nothing takes the place of action.

I encourage anyone concerned about the issue of sexual addiction to seek my consultation to get practical ideas and effective strategies for overcoming its destructive power. I’ve had many years of experience helping people grow and heal from this disorder in ways that can turn deep sorrow and remorse into great joy and fulfillment.

As a side note, many people may say "I'm not a sex addict, I'm just having trouble controlling my sex drive or making the right kinds of sexual decisions."  I'm totally fine with that approach.  I don't want to get caught up in words or force a label on someone who's not ready for it.  My approach is to be a supportive and objective resource in helping a person examine this form of sexual behavior and then decide what to do about it.